I’m content raising my four-going-on-five children with my hardworking husband in two simple bedrooms and one bath; you all know that by now. But you may not know that wasn’t the plan. I didn’t know this was going to be my life. And I actually had big plans. I don’t mean big like “cancer curing,” I mean five star restaurant and fancy hotel “big”.
You see, ahem, I have just the slightest flare for the dramatic that was supposed to land me on the silver screen. Of course, I was going to use my platform to speak out on behalf of the unborn and defend unpopular presidents. But God must have had other goals for my life, because while I’ve made some definite detours from His perfect plan, I am currently very far from Hollywoodland. And I’m also very, very happy about that.
I don’t want a million dollars anymore. Seriously, everyone wants a million dollars, right? Nope, not me. At least not at the moment. This year, 2008, God has started to show me His heart regarding money, and I feel like I could write a book about just what it is to love it. Because money isn’t evil, not in the least. But you know what? It’s really hard not to love it. And apparently, the more you have, the harder it gets. So no, I don’t want a million dollars. I don’t want more than our cost of living until God can fully trust us with the extra. And I don’t even pretend to know what that will look like. Maybe it’s a big house where people are always welcome. Maybe it’s starting the charity that has been on my heart for two years now. Maybe it’s working as missionaries while living “on our own dime.” I really don’t know.
So currently I’m the gal who throws away her free fashion magazine (without reading it – so if it’s a gift, THANK YOU, but I’d rather you save the money) because it causes her to covet material things. I’ll be honest in that this (the act of throwing it away) shows tremendous growth on my part. But it also reveals just how weak I am. I want to be holy. But then, here I am, still somehow the 22 year old aspiring model/actress who wanted a closet full of new clothes as much as she wanted to eat that month.
I don’t tell you this because I think it’s unique to me. I’m pretty sure it’s not. I’ve gone from coveting Hollywood to desiring holiness. Desiring holiness is not holiness, so please don’t set me up to fall; but like I said, it’s a step in the right direction.
Two-thousand and eight has been such a challenging blessing that I’m pretty sure I could just reprocess it in two-thousand and nine. But I trust God has even more in store. And because He loves me, because He wants to see me holy, I’ll take whatever He desires to give.
Come on, 2009!