If Not for Baalam…

First of all, I do know why some people have a hard time understanding why I am still waiting on a man that has left me twice. I get it. Although, I’m actually not waiting on a man. I’m just waiting on God. My brother and I joked a few days ago about what Abraham would have written on his blog. My guess is that he wouldn’t have told blogland he was going to climb a mountain and sacrifice his son. Sometimes, I wonder if I should take a lesson. But, then again, I really just try to type what God tells me to type. Obviously, I miss it sometimes (maybe more). But I don’t believe that the certainty of error is a valid reason not to try.

If you watched our show, you probably now have no earthly idea why I’m still waiting. I just got off the phone with Papa Bear, and we’re both pretty appalled by the “creative editing”. There were two elements that the production team assured us were their focus. Hmmm. It’s interesting, because both of those points were left out completely (although phrases were inserted into other areas of the story). I don’t think it was that bad of a story, really, it just wasn’t our story. Of course, the part that has me bugged the most is that they decided to completely rewrite our beginning. I did not (for the record) chase or pursue my husband. Actually, if you want to know the real (and I think it’s worth knowing) story, you can.

That’s not actually what I’m blogging about tonight, though. I’m blogging about Baalam.

You remember him, right? Personally, I think it’s the story in the Bible that proves God’s sense of humor. I mean, the donkey talks, y’all. Do you think she sounded anything like Eddie Murphy?

I guess probably not.

But here’s the thing. Since listening to John Bevere preach on the story, I haven’t been able to shake it from my mind. Well, I haven’t tried. As a result, I have a new mantra. “I don’t want God’s permission. I want His blessing.”

In Numbers twenty-two, Baalam (a respected prophet of the Lord God), was approached on behalf of Balak (the leader of Moab). He was worried that the Israelites would do to the Moabites what they had done to the Amorites (try saying that ten times fast). So, he needed a trump card, and he sent a large amount of money with a few messengers to go find Baalam. The goal was to bribe him into cursing the Israelites so that they would be ineffective in battle. Baalam reeeally wanted the money, and so instead of just saying, “You’re crazy,” he said, “Wait here, I’ll go ask God.”

I won’t paraphrase God’s response. God said, “Do not go with them. You must not put a curse on those people, because they are blessed.”

Clear enough?

But Balak wasn’t convinced, and he sent his men with more money. Now Baalam really, reeeally wanted the money, so he asked God again.

This time, God said, “Since these men have come to summon you, go with them, but do only what I tell you.”

So Baalam went with them. And if his donkey hadn’t seen the angel of the Lord, barring the way, the angel would have struck Baalam down and killed him. True story. The angel said, “I have come here to oppose you because your path is a reckless one before me. The donkey saw me and turned away from me these three times. If it had not turned away, I would certainly have killed you by now, but I would have spared it.”

Yikes.

So what’s the deal? Why did God tell Baalam to go (the second time), when it was clearly outside of His will? Well, it seems that God will give us permission to step outside of His will if we continually ask Him to, doesn’t it?

i.e.

I Samuel 8:21,22: “When Samuel heard all that the people said, he repeated it before the LORD. The LORD answered, “Listen to them and give them a king.”

Matthew 19:8: “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning.”

Double yikes.

I wrote it down, that night five years ago, when God spoke to my heart in almost audible fashion and made me a promise (and, of course, I’ve heard the same thing time and time again since then). I don’t feel any need to beg my way out of it. Cause, you know, I’d rather just see what God actually has planned for me. I know I could get His permission to move on. But I do not, in any small way, feel that I have His blessing to do so.

If anything changes, you’ll be the first to know.