I’m behind by two review posts, but I thought I owed everyone a real blog post tonight. My mind is cluttered with woulda-coulda-shouldas, and maybe this will help me to clear out the cobwebs. I’m officially almost done with my first book. It’s not the prize winning novel that I started writing at fifteen (which was eerily similar to any Anne book), but I’m happy. It’s what God has given me to say. And it’s simple, like me.
When it’s finished, you’ll be the first to know. When it’s finished, the success of being completed at all will be largely due to my wonderful family and friends. I have the best, and they are currently editing, critiquing, designing, and ensuring that what comes out of this is actually something worth doing. I don’t think I’d have the guts without them. I know I wouldn’t. Last night, I teased that when this book is finished I will be immediately starting on “How to Self-Publish for Free by Taking Advantage of Friends and Family”. They thought I was kidding.
Thank you, girls!
On Saturday, I’m filling a twenty minute speaking slot at a local women’s event. I was given “courage” as my topic. It’ll be the first time I have spoken in front of people in quite a while. I’d be lying if I said I was nervous, though. I’m not.
I’m terrified.
So just think of this blog post as a much needed practice run. M’kay?
I think I’m going to start out by reading from Luke chapter one:
26 In the sixth month of Elizabeth’s pregnancy, God sent the angel Gabriel to Nazareth, a town in Galilee, 27 to a virgin pledged to be married to a man named Joseph, a descendant of David. The virgin’s name was Mary. 28 The angel went to her and said, “Greetings, you who are highly favored! The Lord is with you.”
29 Mary was greatly troubled at his words and wondered what kind of greeting this might be. 30 But the angel said to her, “Do not be afraid, Mary; you have found favor with God. 31 You will conceive and give birth to a son, and you are to call him Jesus. 32 He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David, 33 and he will reign over Jacob’s descendants forever; his kingdom will never end.”
34 “How will this be,” Mary asked the angel, “since I am a virgin?”
35 The angel answered, “The Holy Spirit will come on you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you. So the holy one to be born will be called the Son of God. 36 Even Elizabeth your relative is going to have a child in her old age, and she who was said to be unable to conceive is in her sixth month. 37 For no word from God will ever fail.”
38 “I am the Lord’s servant,” Mary answered. “May your word to me be fulfilled.” Then the angel left her.
And then I’ll make some kind of joke like, “Yeah, it was just that simple,” or something that sounds less blasphemous.
I realize that it would be impossible to capture the emotions and details of every noteworthy biblical event. But as a woman, the lack of detail here has always been a little humorous to me. It’s a good thing that God inspired men to write the Scriptures, though. Even though I believe that every word is inspired by the Holy Spirit, it would have been harder for a woman not to ramble.
Especially in a story like this.
In Scripture, every time an angel approaches a person (or every time that is coming to my mind right now), he tells him/her not to be afraid. Now, that’s mostly cause angels don’t look like this…
(cue stuffed angel/cupid that I borrowed from my girls)
But it’s also because of the message the angel is sent to deliver. And in Mary’s case, I think inevitable fear (because the angel wouldn’t tell her not to be afraid unless she was afraid) is due to the message.
28 The angel went to her and said, “Greetings, you who are highly favored! The Lord is with you.”
29 Mary was greatly troubled at his words and wondered what kind of greeting this might be.
I think Mary knew that being favored by God means trouble! And (after the initial shock wore off) I think she was OK with that.
In 2012, very few people are unfamiliar with the concept of the virgin birth. As Christians, it is a building block of our faith and Jesus could not have been God without it. Jesus was conceived by the Holy Spirit, and He was placed in the womb of a virgin.
Duh!
But Mary had not heard the stories most of us have grown up with…and neither had any of her friends.
For Mary, proclaiming the gift (to the whole world) that was growing in her womb was akin to claiming an abduction by aliens. God set her up to be crazy! And she couldn’t hide her faith. She was pregnant with it.
In November of 2010, my husband left me. We had had many, many troubles in the beginning of our marriage, but we’d survived them. We’d spent the previous two years proclaiming the miracle God had worked in our lives. Somewhere around a thousand people checked in on us daily to read about our restored marriage. And then, we (both) allowed Satan to get a foot hold, and my husband left me holding a pile of worthless effort and shiny, nonsensical works.
When he left, I immediately knew that everything was going to be OK. More than OK, I knew he would be coming back home. Though I went through my own times of doubt, later on, my immediate fear was not over my situation, but over how others were going to perceive it. I couldn’t even voice this until, while on the phone with Jen, she ironically asked in a hushed and tearful whisper, “What on earth are you going to tell your readers?”
And I had no idea.
God continually, if not daily, told me not to be afraid. He knew I was. He knew that walking through a friend’s baby shower as an abandoned woman, smug marrieds only, my faux diamond catching every possible opportunity to glimmer, made me feel like a six year old girl playing house. He knew how ridiculous I felt in my faith. But He wouldn’t let me hide it.
I wonder if that’s just a small taste of what Mary felt as she walked through town…alone, but less alone than she’d ever been before.
When Jesus impregnates us with faith, He rarely allows us to hide it. He sets us up to look crazy. Maybe that’s when we prove what we really believe. Insanity is staring down the opposed path and finding it welcoming. True courage allows for, even demands, a little fear, but then it also demands that we walk all over it.
I think I’ll say something like that.
24 Responses to “Fear and Courage”
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You are so gracious in the manner in which you have responded in regard to Jennifer McKinney. This speaks volumes for who you are as a person and I have a whole new respect for you. What Jennifer is going through she has brought on herself through lying and cheating (it is not gossip, but plain and simple public record) and what happens to her is up to the courts of this country, but I can see you stand behind her as a friend. It can be hard as a Christian to uphold a friend who has so sinned against man and God, not ever under our own judgment, but also ro hold accountable for their sins under God’s command and how to do all this in grace. You do show such grace. May peace be with you.
Your faith and ability to write about it inspire me each time I read. Thank you for sharing in the humble and gracious way that you do. What is the name of your book and where can I find it? Love, Ann (Michael’s mom)
Thanks so much, Ann! I’m not announcing anything about the book, YET, but I’ll be sure you know all about it once it’s available on Amazon!
Thank you ladies for another view of courage as well as for properly distinguishing the Immaculate Conception from the Virgin Birth.
In my studies of warriors with character, thus far sadly, only males; I have found that families, especially the spouses and mom’s have courage equal to the wounded warriors.
Wow!!! Those are great words!!! You gave an excellent example of facing fears…love the last part of how courage demand that we walk all over fear…love love love it…just what I needed to hear as I am fighting against living in a state of fear daily
Did you practice it out loud to see if it would fill your 20 min?
I’m sure it will be fab and everyone will be inspired…Please give us an update when it’s over
Thanks for sharing.
barbara
It went well, thanks!
Although, I had to hurry a little bit to make it fit in 20 minutes. I got a little long winded, I think. 
I don’t think you should quote McMama and someone to follow!
I don’t “follow” her, but I do consider her a friend.
So you support her lying to the bankruptcy trustee over and over again.
I get you consider her a friend. But to quote her?
She was rude, she lied, she hid assets.
There is an audio recording of her voice doing it.
But I suppose you (and her) say that “Satan is trying to bring her down”? She doesn’t need Satan’s help, she’s doing a bang up job of ruining her life, her children’s future, and her future as a free person by lying over and over to the bankruptcy trustee.
I quoted her because she’s the one who posed the question to me and brought to light my fears of embarrassment. I suppose I could have just said, “a friend said”. As far as the things you have mentioned, I don’t read any of the online gossip (whether true or lies) and so I’m completely in the dark. I hope those things are not true, but like I said, I have no knowledge of them to prove or disprove. This is the first I’ve even heard of them, actually.
THE audio is online. HER voice and the trustee voice.
And Israel’s voice saying his truck was possessed.
You can just switch the words “Immacualte Conception” for “Virgin Birth.”
I will do that!
Oh dear, my I please (respectfully) jump in with a correction? While it is probably the most common misnomer in Christianity, the Immaculate Conception (according to the Catholic Church and Wikipedia….) was actually the conception of Mary…. According to the Bible, she was conceived while her father was physically away from her mother, thus she was conceived without sex. However, it is considered a conception because human sperm and egg did (somehow) collide. This is one of the things that made her special and capable of carrying the Lord’s Son–she was conceived without “original sin,” meaning sex. Jesus was not, technically, conceived, as a human sperm and egg did not mix. It is very common that the Immaculate Conception and the Virgin Birth are confused, but they are technically different events from the Bible. This has little to do with your overall message, but there may be some bossy-know-it-alls like me in the audience, and they would notice. Good luck with your speech! While we are very different (I’m an athiest liberal hippy—I just happen to be well educated about religion) we also share a lot of things in common, and I respect your words.
Some sources:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Immaculate_conception
http://www.newadvent.org/cathen/07674d.htm
Thank you VERY much! I do not believe that Mary was conceived in the way Catholics believe…but I had NO IDEA that the phrase was reserved for her. You just saved me a lot of embarrassment, I’m sure!
Glad to help! Usually people interpret my “help” as “dang, that girl is bossy” so thanks for being gracious (as usual.) It sounds like the story of the Immaculate Conception may not actually be in the Bible, because you are very Scripture centered, so I’m guessing it is just part of the Cathloic belief system. And frankly, “Virgin Birth” and “Immaculate Conception” sure sound like the same thing!
Some day when you have free time (HA!) I would love to hear your beliefs on Mary. Do non-Cathloics believe she was conceived the old fashioned way? I didn’t know that not all Christians believed in her Immaculate Conception. You learn something new every day!
Also, remeber these two things about your speech: 1) A little healthy nervousness is good for you, it helps you stay on your toes and people often perform better under some pressure. 2) You are going to ROCK it! You are articulate, respectful, gracious, passionate about your message, and you certainly know how to roll with the punches if something unexpected comes along. You got this, girl!
Your wrap up makes me think of the verses that say the wisdom of God is foolishness to the world. I think a step we as Christians have to take, and it is more difficult for some to overcome than others, is realizing that to truly be a slave to Jesus you will no longer be cool to the surrounding world. And since many times our surrounding world is family whose opinions matter and friends who grew with us and saw us live differently, living “foolishly” really knocks the pride out of your sails. God truly wants His people to consider Him as their only guide, resource and trail head. And praise Him, He never leaves us hurting but shows us the better way. Thank you for this reminder, your talk is going to bless those women.
I’m going to include that verse!
Love it! The women will be blessed. You are courageous!
Thanks, Irene!
Well said! You certainly have me doing deep thinking on how doubt is interfering with my faith. I want to have child like faith again. ~ Your story is truly inspirational. You opened your heart and home to this blogosphere, and showed us all what a little faith can do.
Thank you so much, Marcie!
If I may make a small correction, Immaculate Conception actually refers to the conception of Mary, The idea that it is about Jesus’ conception is a common Protestant misunderstanding.
Thank you, Heather!