There are times when life is sweet and easy. At least, I suppose there are. I glimpse them; mostly, I enjoy remembering them and hoping they’ll be back again someday. A few Sundays ago, I went to church without the Bears (Papa or Baby). I didn’t realize just how cool and easy parenting first and second graders had become. It was crystal clear, though, without the pressing need to chase the baby. Of course, I wouldn’t trade that pressing need for anything. I wouldn’t trade any of my difficult blessings for a simpler, easier, or wealthier life. But when life gets especially hard, I can fail to truly see those blessings.
I love my children. Always. There has never been a moment in time, not the briefest moment, when I have not loved my children. Liking them consistently, though, that was much simpler when they were all babies. I’m ashamed to admit it, and I’m sure someone will tell me that I’m awful and completely unfit as a mother. When life fills itself with hard day after hard day, though, His grace is sufficient…but sometimes mine is not.
Lately, I haven’t even tried to like my children. There hasn’t been time. I’ve loved them and cared for them…fed them and bathed them and cuddled them. I’ve loved them, like love is enough, and I’ve told them so at least twenty times a day. But in between the cuddles and meals has been a startling lack of “like”. I haven’t made time for them as individuals, lately. I haven’t showed them that I like them for them.
A few days ago, the three girls and I held court over a lie that I could not, for the life of me, discern. I let one of them go, feeling sure of her innocence; and, exasperated and tired, I continued to hold the other two. In the end, the guilty party confessed and apologized. Then we all went back to our lives, because lives call more loudly than children. I was painting a wall, downward stroke, when God told me that my daughter was wounded. She, the one innocent held over like she was guilty, had missed out on precious minutes of her day. And worse, her mother had really suspected her; and she knew it.
I dropped my paint brush into the tray, and I went to find my daughter. She was at Grandma’s kitchen table with a cousin, “I cannot believe I got in trouble for something I didn’t even do,” she was saying as I walked through the door. And I called her out, without explaining my purpose, “Come with me,” I said.
She stepped into her flip flops and followed me out the door. I grabbed her hand as she asked, “Where are we going?” But we walked in silence to the Corner Store and straight to the back wall for a Coke. As I placed a cold bottle into her little hands, her eyes lit brightly and she smiled sweetly. “For me?!” she beamed. “Yes, for you,” I answered. “I’m sorry I didn’t believe you today.”
We walked home laughing and joking, both sipping our ice cold Cokes. Tiny Dancer went back to Grandma’s, and I went back to my painting. And when Grandma asked her about the Coke, she just answered in a happy whisper, “My mom likes me!”
For the last few days, I’ve been thinking about “like,” and how our whole self-esteems are built around it. There are many people who have to love us, but no one is required to like us. To be liked is to be special. And that night, after hearing of her words to Grandma, I tucked her into bed and I told her that I liked her–not loved, she knows that–liked. “Why?” she smiled and quizzed, because liking always comes with reasons. And after five minutes of the many whys, she fell asleep with a heavy sigh. We need to be loved, but not more than we need to be liked.
And really, what’s not to like?
21 Responses to ““I Like You””
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Thank you for this post. God really spoke to me through you. I am a single momma to 3 kids working and going to school and most of the time I feel I am just going through the motions. I really need to work on this in their life to show them how special each one is to me. It is such a hard balance along with forgiving my ex-husband and trying to reconcile our marriage. I really appreciate your honesty in your own life and calling me out in my own life.
Thank you, Ashley!
I needed to read this. My daughter needed me to read this. Lately, I have been WAY too stressed, and in these times, I am great at showing love, but horrible at showing LIKE. Thank you for putting it into words. Thank you for your honesty.
This is the third time the Lord has brought this message to me in as many weeks. It’s one I need to remember in this season of my life (well, EVERY season, but this season I’m struggling with it). You’re such a good mama, Sarah. Your children will stand and call you BLESSED!
Thank you, my lovely friend!
Beautiful, touching, lovely and so true!!! Did I mentioned lately that I like you too???
I like you, too!
Ouch. Reading this stung, a lot. There has been a stark absence of like in my home lately. In fact, if I were my children, I would probably be wondering if my mother didn’t like me at all. I’ve been distracted, irritable, impatient. They ask for my attention and I tell them “Later.” But later doesn’t come. They get caught up in a disagreement and come to me for help, instead of teaching, training, praying, or helping in any way I just tell them to stop fighting and go to their rooms. I cannot imagine how much it must hurt to feel like your own mom doesn’t like you. Tonight, when I get home from work, the office will be empty – because I’ll be out in the yard, liking my kids.
Have a BLESSED day, Tyler! Thank you!
This made me tear up! I have one baby girl and we are in the process of trying to adopt three more little girls…as much as I want the opportunity to love those girls, I’m terrified of being so divided, busy and overwhelmed that I forget to see them as individuals. To like them. Especially knowing there will be times when my children won’t like me. They won’t always be adorable and fun and likable. But, oh, how I hope and pray that they will know in their hearts that “my mom likes me”!
It’s true, there is always enough love to go around, but we moms of many have to be so careful to spread our time and attention. That being said, it is SOOO worth the effort! May God bless you in your beautiful journey of adoption!
This brought tears to my eyes, Sarah. So beautiful, such a powerful reminder.
Thank you, Melissa! And thank you for your thoughtfulness last weekend!
Thank you, thank you for that reminder. I have many of those moments when liking my children is much harder than loving them. In the busyness of doing the necessary and even the loving, I forget to take time to just hang out and like them for the unique individuals they are. I completely resonated with this post and needed to hear this! Thanks for being real.
Thank YOU, Lori.
Oh, this was beautiful! And you are right, we need to hear we are liked just as we need to hear we are loved. As hard as it is to believe, liking someone is almost harder than loving them, as you pointed out. I hope no one condemns you for your honesty about not always or easily liking your children – while I do not have any yet, I do have other family that I do not always like but I do always love!
I appreciate that, Kristen. Thank you!
This is LOVELY!
I hope you all have a happy day
And you, too, Renee!
Thank you.
Thank YOU.